Almost Free Read online

  “Stop being dramatic,” Lake orders, struggling not to laugh. “Thor is amazing. You must piss him off.”

  “I piss Splinter off? That fucking rat has gone for my balls more times than you do when you’ve had a cider.”

  “I wish you would stop calling him that,” Lake snaps, her face turning bright red. I choke on laughter, finding the two highly amusing. I haven’t laughed like this since before Lara. It’s clear she loves him. No one who didn’t would be able to handle his behaviour. As entertaining as it is, he must be stressful at times.

  “I’m confused. Are we talking about a cat or a rat?” Banner asks.

  “A cat,” Lake says, at the same time Max says, “Rat.”

  Lake turns, narrowing her eyes at her boyfriend. “I wish you would stop saying he’s a rat.”

  “Splinter?” I ask, trying to think where I’ve heard that name before.

  Banner suddenly starts laughing. “Oh, my fucking god,” he says, trying to catch his breath. “From the Ninja Turtles?”

  Max grins, nodding. “Yep. Fucking thing looks and acts like him too. Sneaky little bastard.”

  Lake ignores him and faces me, rolling her eyes. “Did your nan tell you she saw us at Lexington’s German market?”

  “No, she didn’t. Did she go with Granddad or a group of friends?”

  Lake grins. “A group of friends. They were checking out the foods. I didn’t even realise it was her at first. I was eating some Bangladeshi food that they were giving out for free, Max started screaming, and that’s when I saw her.”

  “He started screaming?”

  “Yeah. At first, I thought he saw a spider, but when I saw your nan and her friends, I walked over. One of her friends had pinched his bum.”

  “Fucking bruised too,” Max says, never looking away from the menu.

  I giggle. I can only imagine what they were up to. Unless their husbands are with them, they don’t behave.

  “I bet she fussed over you when she saw you.”

  My nan loves Lake. When my parents would send me to my grandparents’ house, Lake would often stay with me.

  “She did. I didn’t think she was going to let me go. It was good seeing her. I wish your granddad was there. When was the last time you saw them?”

  I think it over, wincing. “A while ago. Nan had her gallbladder removed about four months ago, so Granddad couldn’t come get me. I was gonna catch the train up there, but they wouldn’t let me. Then I had to move here. I guess time got away with me.”

  “They’ll understand. They love you. How’s Mark? Still going to the gym?”

  I start laughing. “He’s good. And he owns one now.”

  “We’re gonna go order food while you talk,” Banner interrupts, whispering. I go to grab my purse, but his hand stops me. “I’ll buy it.”

  I look up, feeling warmth rush through me. “Thank you.”

  He winks before getting to his feet.

  “You gonna buy mine, too?”

  Banner looks him over. “Nah, you aren’t as pretty as Emma.”

  Max scoffs, muttering something to Banner as they walk off.

  “You look so happy, Lake. I really like him.”

  Her eyes go soft as she flicks them over my shoulder to where the lads are. “I am. But enough about me; I want to hear about you. What is going on between you and Banner? And can I add, how fit has he got! He was always good-looking in school, but Jesus, now it’s hard to look at him.”

  I blush, shaking my head in amusement. Banner was hot before, but as he’s grown, he’s gotten better-looking. He’s like a fine wine.

  “There’s nothing going on between us,” I squeak. “What’s made you say that?”

  She gives me a look that says, ‘yeah right’. “First of all, he can’t stop touching you. When Max hugged you, I thought his jaw was gonna snap. And the way he looks at you It’s like he’s seeing colour for the first time. There’s no way you are just friends, because you look at him the same way, only you’re more discreet about it.”

  My neck and cheeks heat at her observation. Can he tell I have the hots for him? Oh god, what if he knows I’m secretly in love with him?

  “He doesn’t like me that way. Trust me. He’s just a friend. He was there for me through it all, Lake. He saw it. There’s no way he would want someone as weak as me for a girlfriend. You forget, I knew the girls he slept with in high school. They were sexy, confident, outgoing—everything I’m not.”

  Her expression is filled with pity and I have to glance away. “Emma, you are so much more than you give yourself credit for. He’s in love with you.”

  “He’s not.”

  She looks over my shoulder before glancing back at me. “He is. But something tells me you’ll find out soon enough.”

  I won’t.

  Banner and Max join us back at the table. Max begins to fill in the silence, but I can’t concentrate long enough to listen. I can’t get Lake’s words out of my head. Could she be right? Could Banner really have feelings for me, or is she mistaking his feelings for me as a friend for something more?

  I guess there’s only one way to find out. I’m just not sure that I’ve got the courage to gamble everything in order to find the answer.

  CHAPTER TEN

  The bark pressing against my back makes it hard to get comfortable. I keep shifting around, trying to find a spot I’m happy with. Once I’m out of the way of a lone stick digging into my spine, I pull the blanket I’m sharing with Banner, tighter around me, sighing happily. I snuggle into Banner’s side with my cup of hot chocolate in hand.

  “People are looking at us like we’re nuts,” I tell him, closing my eyes briefly at the sound of rain hitting our umbrella—if you can call it that; it’s big enough to cover a tent.

  Banner’s head shifts, and without looking, I know he’s gazing down at me. “We are nuts. We’re sitting in the park when it’s freezing cold and raining.”

  “At least it’s not snowing,” I tease, at least grateful for that. “And this was your idea.”

  “You love the rain.”

  “I love a lot of things.”

  “Oh yeah? Tell me some,” he says, his voice light with amusement.

  I inwardly roll my eyes when a woman walks past, looking at us like we’re something she wiped off her shoe.

  When she’s out of hearing range, I giggle. “Did you see her face?”

  He scoffs. “Couldn’t miss it. With the way she was looking, you’d think we were sitting on her front doorstep.”

  “Why are we here, again?”

  “You said you wanted to see the park.”

  “When it’s not raining,” I tell him.

  “Do you want to go?”

  “No!” I tell him quickly, before he decides to pack up. Once I realise how desperate I sound, I clear my throat. “I mean, no. It’s not like we’re getting wet. Much. And we have three blankets around us, and we’re sitting on a plastic mat.”

  “Don’t forget the legendary umbrella.”

  I laugh when I look at the umbrella he’s dug into the ground between our legs, so it doesn’t blow over. When he pulled it out of the car, I thought he’d lost his mind. He’s lucky it’s not as windy as it was last night, or he would be saying bye-bye to it.

  “Where did you get it?”

  “Mum left it the last time she came to watch a game.”

  “When is your next game?”

  “Not until spring.”

  I rest my head on his shoulder, looking out at the park. Even dreary and wet the place looks beautiful. I wish I could draw, because there’s a little girl holding her mother’s hand, wearing bright yellow rain boots and splashing in puddles. It’s a beautiful sight to see; something I wish I had memories of as a child.

  I must have sighed because Banner places his hand on my leg. “You okay?”

  Still watching the little girl, I answer him. “I wish I had that as a child.”

  I feel his gaze look her way. “Splash
ing in puddles?”

  “Yeah. I used to lie in bed all the time thinking of something, anything, to remember a time when my parents loved me. I remember them sitting through Lara’s plays and clapping, I remember them taking her ice-skating for her thirteenth birthday, but not once do I remember something they did with me. I’d have wished for anything to cherish. Even a moment of splashing in puddles. But I don’t have one. After Lara, and then Darren attacking me, I tried to find reasons as to why I should love them. They’re my parents, and I do care for them—I’ll be sad if something were to happen to them—but I’ve stopped feeling love for them. They’re strangers to me now.”

  He pulls me tighter against him, kissing the top of my head. I close my eyes, forcing the tears threatening at bay.

  “Emma, your parents fucked up when it came to you. I know you don’t want to hear it, but your sister wasn’t perfect. They treated her like a princess instead of disciplining her.”

  I give him a sharp look. “What are you trying to say?”

  He drops the blanket and scrubs a hand down his face. “I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want to lose you.”

  “You won’t lose me,” I tell him, feeling my throat tighten.

  He looks doubtful, making me wary. “Lara did drugs before she got them off Darren. My mum caught her buying some in town and called your parents. They called my mum a liar, and the next day at school, Lara was flashing off a new phone and bragging about the clothes she had got.”

  My eyes widen when something registers. “Wait! I think that was the day they sent me off to my grandparents for the week, saying I was a bad influence on her. I was supposed to be with her that day she went into town, but I needed to go to the library to pick up some books. I got back, and they told me I had to go my grandparents.”

  He nods, looking grim. “I heard you were sent away. My mum tried talking to them a few times. Lara was always drunk or high. I think your parents ignoring it did more damage to her. They neglected the both of you. With her, they chose to shower her with affection, when really, she needed some tough loving. And with you, they just ignored you, when you deserved to be showered with affection.”

  My eyes water at hearing him talk about Lara that way. “I didn’t know she did drugs. I was close to her, and I would have noticed.”

  “No, you wouldn’t have. I didn’t know your sister well enough to say whether rumours were true or not, but she wasn’t perfect, Em. If I were to guess, she hid it from you well. She needed someone who didn’t lecture her to come off them. I know a few of her mates tried to get her to get help, but she wouldn’t listen.”

  “I feel like I didn’t know her, Banner,” I whisper, feeling a sharp pain in my chest. “This is hard to process. I want to hate you for slagging her off when she isn’t here to defend herself, to yell at you for talking bad of her, but I don’t have it in me. The months leading up to her death was when I knew something was going on. I was blinded before because I craved her affection. She was the only one who showed me any at home. Outside, I had Lake and her family. I just wish she’d come to me for help. I hate myself for not seeing what was going on with her.”

  “I think, in the end, she didn’t know herself.”

  “In her diary, she was fine—up until a few months before. That was when she started ranting over Darren. I didn’t know it was him she was writing about, but she said she loved him, that he was the only one who got her. It got worse in the weeks before she died. He wouldn’t leave his girlfriend.”

  “It was a messed-up situation,” he whispers.

  “Those drugs were mixed with poison. Whether she or Darren knew that when he gave them to her, I don’t know. Either way, she killed herself. She’s not coming back. She left me and didn’t even say goodbye.”

  “Come on,” he says, jumping to his feet and knocking the umbrella over. I scream when the rain hits me in the face and glare up at Banner. He pulls me up, letting the blankets and sheet get drenched.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I didn’t come here to make you sad. I came here to cheer you up.”

  “Okay” I say slowly, scrunching my eyebrows together.

  “Jump.”

  “Jump?”

  His smile is contagious. “Yep. You want happy memories, then jump. Splash in the puddles to your heart’s content. Jump!”

  Holding hands, we move over to the path. I jump in the air, splashing in a puddle, getting soaked. I let him go, giggling as I kick the puddle, splashing rain water everywhere. I feel free for the first time in ages. The rain splatters across my face as I look up into the sky, my eyes closed. I spread my arms wide, spinning around in circles, laughing.

  There’s no almost free about this moment. Not one thing. All my troubles, all my fears, they wash away with the rain.

  Hands grab my hips and I stumble to a stop. Opening my eyes, I meet Banner’s honey-coloured gaze. Everything around me stills, the world gone quiet as we stare into each other’s eyes.

  “Banner,” I whisper, feeling like this is the moment. The moment I tell him how I feel.

  He takes a step forward, his chest caressing mine as he looks down at me. The desire staring back at me takes my breath away.

  He tucks a wet strand of hair behind my ear before running the back of his hand down my cheek. I lean into his touch, following the warmth of it, and close my eyes.

  When I open them, his fingers press into my hips, and he leans forward. I hold my breath, my heart beating rapidly.

  He’s going to kiss me.

  Just as I pucker my lips, ready to meet him halfway, his head jerks forward, smacking into mine.

  “Ow,” I moan, holding my sore head.

  He glares at someone over his shoulder before bending down and picking up a football. “Go fucking play somewhere else,” he growls, kicking the football back before turning back to me. “Who fucking plays football in the rain?”

  I try to hide my grin but fail. “Um, the same kind of people who sit in the rain to drink coffee?”

  He chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. My phone rings in my pocket and I shrug apologetically when Banner curses under his breath. I pull it out, seeing Mark’s name on the screen.

  “Hey, Mark, what’s up?”

  “Are you coming home for dinner? It’s ready.”

  Shit, I forgot he was cooking us a Sunday dinner today. He would have done it tomorrow, but he has someone going to the gym to inspect the new sauna he had fitted.

  “Yes. We’re on our way right now, Mark.”

  Banner grins, leaning forward. “She’s lying. We’re still in the park.”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “We can leave now.”

  “Why are you two in the park? It’s pissing down with rain,” Mark tells me, like I didn’t already know.

  “Because we’re weird. We won’t be long—ten minutes at the most.”

  “See you then,” he says, before ending the call.

  Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I glare at Banner. “Why did you tell him I was lying? Everyone says they’re on their way, even if they haven’t left yet.”

  He just keeps grinning. “No one lies to Mark in front of me.”

  “You got that off a Facebook meme, didn’t you?”

  He nods. “Yeah, but I didn’t think Mark would appreciate been called Suzie.”

  I just laugh and shake my head, walking over to pick the blankets up. “Come on, you tattletale. Let’s get back and dry off. Do you have spare clothes?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been keeping a few bits at yours, but I brought another bag.”

  I sigh and stop what I’m doing to face him. “You do realise I’m okay. You don’t have to stay with me all the time. You must be getting bored of being cooped up with me.”

  He looks hurt by my admission. “I like being there. The flat I share gets too rowdy and it drives me nuts. I can’t even watch a movie. Plus, I like being with you. But if you want your space, just tell me and I can go back.” />
  Warmth fills me at his honesty. “No. I like you being there. I just don’t want you to get bored of me.”

  Something flashes in his eyes. “I could never get bored of you.”

  As he takes a step forward, my phone starts ringing again. He curses to the sky and I giggle. It’s Mark ringing when I look at the screen, so I show it to Banner.

  “This is why you should always lie to Suzie,” I tease.

  He laughs, throwing everything into a black bag since it needs to be rung out, then washed. “Let’s get going before he drives down here.”

  We start off down the path, soaking wet. As we near the exit of the park, we stop to let a woman through. She tilts her umbrella back as she passes.

  “Becky,” I greet, surprised to see her. What a small world.

  “Hey, Emma,” she says slowly, raking her gaze over me, then doing the same to Banner, a confused look crossing her expression. “Um, why, if you’ve got an umbrella, do you two look like you’ve been swimming?”

  I giggle when she begins to sound more confused.

  “We were splashing in the puddles.”

  She laughs like she thinks we’re joking. “Funny. But seriously, is there a huge puddle or something I should be warned about? I don’t fancy getting too wet. This umbrella isn’t helping much, and I need to get to the other side of the park to meet my dad.”

  “She’s being serious,” Banner says, looking away when he starts to chuckle at her expression.

  I just smile. “It’s a long story. Do you want us to give you a lift somewhere?”

  “Um, no, thank you. I think I might be safer walking through the park. You two are kind of weird.”

  I don’t take offence to her remark, since I can see she’s said it as a fact, not maliciously. “We are. But you’re safe with us.”

  “I’m good, thank you. I was actually wondering if you wanted to meet up next week before class on Friday.”

  “I can’t on Friday, but I can Wednesday.”

  “Why can’t you on Friday?”

  “Nosey,” Banner mutters.